Sometimes you know everything. Sometimes you realize youre an asshole and you know so much less about your family than you thought you did.
My father has always been big and strong and a fucking hard ass. He’s always been tough love and, really more just tough, and “i’ll give you something to cry about” and “youre grounded for the entire summer, why? Because we get A’s in this family, that’s why”. He’s been the never close, the stranger ive known my entire life…the distant teacher of hard lessons. Lessons always taught the hard way…but “if you’re in a bind, call me and I’ll tell you just what to do.”
So recently, he’s been more “how are you doing sweetheart?” and “I love you” and “thank you for visiting us”. Here I was, under the impression that my dad did not give a shit…and he becomes all nicey nice, good father and shit. And so, the realization that I know nothing…or more…spend most of your life trying not to generalize others and to be forgiving and compassionate and to not define others by their bad days, weeks or years and you realize…your family has bad days, weeks, years too. And, shit, they can change.
ALSO: A few days ago, my father and my nephew got into a carriage accident. Sounds weird, but they were on the carriage, being pulled by our horse, Jack, and the horse spooked…falling into a 6ft ditch and taking my 5yo nephew and my dad with him. Luckily, my dad threw my nephew to the side, but my father was caught under the carriage and the horse. In like 4 feet of water. They rolled on him twice. They’re all fine, nothing broken. And the next night, a guy rolled his escalade on my parents’ property and may have died. Puts shit in perspective.
Summation: Just when you get to the point where you think you know everything, you realize you know nothing. And it’s kind of great. And kind of scary. All i know is that getting to know those closest to me in different ways is so…mind blowing.
Lessons in remembering that the learning never ends…and lessons in unconditional love.