For the past week(ish), my heart has been..cloudy blue.
Sometimes you have a hard time feeling your feelings. Sometimes it’s not so bad not feeling those feelings….sometimes you worry about your heart and kinda wanna fall totally, head-over-heels in love again….you know, kind of like you did with adorable awkward girl last winter (le sigh). Sometimes you just want to feel again.
….and then, just like that, you’re feeling shit again and your heart stays broken (over nothing in particular) for like a week.
Thankfully, for the past few days, I feel better…but having my heart hurt for a week was wild. I think it hurt over family, Jilly, all of the hate there’s been in the news lately….the world…. maybe I was born with it.
Sometimes feeling sad is necessary.
My favorite thing about feeling my heart (lots) is that it forces me to deal with my shit. I have to figure things out, I have to feel my feelings (I can hear my previous therapists now: “feel your feelings, LeeAnn. FEEL THEM.”) The best way for me to just deal with a heavy heart? Paint.
So, I’ve been feeling my shit, heading to my studio and painting. Thinking about love and what I want from life – doing shit tons of reflecting. What have I come up with? As always, it’s time to wait. To focus on listening and being as positive as I can in the lives of those around me. Strangely, however, I’ve been kinda stoked by the idea of finding someone to love (weird because I’ve been so happy with being single..and NOT wanting to deal with a relationship). So, here I go…keeping myself open to all kinds of love….and being ok with an achey heart for a bit.
Ok. Tired. G’night.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxo love love love love…and promise I’ll write more later, my blogloves.