Last week in yoga, my instructor said that who you really are is in your heart and that person is covered by label upon label….sister, girlfriend, queer, and so on. We did backbends the entire class to de-label ourselves and figure out who we are. I expected to have an epiphany, to feel totally different. I came home, watched movies with my roommate and fell asleep on the floor.
Tonight, I bribed myself into going to yoga (with delicious food), set my intention to open my heart, sweated too much and started coughing in the middle of meditation. This was after a day of beating myself up for sleeping in, not looking the way I want to, and not being as happy as I should be.
We want it to be easy. We want to strip away those labels with a simple thought, we want to consistently, always be in love with ourselves and the world.
And I’m a quitter. I get pissed off when it’s not easy. I get all debbie downer (like I was today) and don’t want to talk to anyone. I mean, I was miserable. I complained all day. I was tired all day. I didn’t answer phone calls. And I had to hold back asshole comments the entire day. What a dick.
But I still fell in love today. I fell in love with how funny my coworkers are. Although I effed up everyone’s meditation with my coughing, I fell in love with myself during yoga. We’ve got to love ourselves. We’ve got to peel our labels off, one by one, and respect them. And once we’ve got our labels peeled, we’ve got to take a good look at our hearts and love them with all we’ve got.
[AND I’ve been watching Friday Night Lights – the show- for the past month, which is probably a reason I haven’t blogged lately, and I totally fell in love with the coach’s relationship. It’s just so nice.]
And, if there’s one thing that Friday Night Lights has taught me [srsly. it’s ALL I’ve been doing this entire month. I watched 5 seasons of this B] it’s that you have to fight for what you want. It’s not easy. You have to hold on to you and your self love. And if you lose it….get it back.
[my god I can’t tell you how in love with Coach Taylor I am. It’s terrible, and wonderful. And I just love this freaking show and I’m so upset that they ended it. But, lord, that Coach Taylor. le swoon.]
Ok. I’m going to go to bed and hopefully feel better tomorrow. And have wonderful Friday Night Lights dreams.
Promise I’ll write sooner rather than later, my blog drops. I can promise this because I’m finally done with the series.