Sometimes you just have to shut the fuck up. Sometimes you have to go further than that and just take a break. Maybe it’s a long break, maybe it’s a short one. But sometimes you just get worn down by people and their drama and their nonsense that when you open your mouth, no matter how sweet your intentions are, you’re just a dick.
That’s me lately. The dick. I think it’s because, more and more, I’m noticing that other peoples’ need to control their lives is spewing onto me….not in that I have any need, in particular, to have super control over my life, but in that I’m not doing what they want me to and it’s causing tension. And when I make it clear that I want to focus on me, I come off as a dick. That’s me. The dick.
Every once and a while, you just need to take care of your own shit. (or, you know, just hang back and let life be slow for a bit) During times like these, I always think of the Hermit.
In tarot, the hermit is an older, Santa-looking fella who is holding a lantern. (much like the above Hermit-like gentleman) The story is: after a period of war, love, failing, succeeding, and building shiz back up, the fool decides he needs some time. He goes to a nice little cabin in the forest and grows a mountain man beard (that’s totally what I’m working on RIGHT NOW) and doesn’t talk…he just learns a lot about his surroundings. He does this for some time (dontcha love how vague “some time” is..heh) and when he feels ready, he emerges back into the world. When he comes back, he feels enlightened and like new parts of him are awakened (maybe like his badass beard). Summary: sometimes you have to hang back and listen…and really find yourself again.
That’s me. Bearded, awesome Hermit (and learning tons of shit).
Look how well my intelligent hermit-beard is coming in. AMAZING.
And how do I keep my heart open during these times? Well, I stop and really pay attention to those things that get to my heart. The gorgeous things that seem so perfectly good. ALSO: the realization that you don’t have to be there for everyone and take everyone’s problems on (especially if they really negatively impact you) in order to keep your heart open.
One super-important thing to remember whilst keeping your amazing heart open: you are under no obligation to live up to anyone’s expectations. Sometimes we get caught up in trying to do the “right thing”, like being a friend the way someone else thinks you should be, or like doing things that you don’t feel are right for work, or just doing things you don’t want to because other people want you to.
Another list’o’amazing things that I love..starrrrrttttiiiiiiingggg…NOW:
*Still my kitteh and my fam
*The amazing feeling that organizing all of my shiz gives me…and having my room feel more like home every time I do something to organize it.
*Chili Garlic Cholulah. (OMG, if you haven’t tried it, DO IT. It’s heaven.)
*The “Hey Girl: Rachel Maddow” memes. cantgetenough.
*That feeling when you just lay on your back and breathe. My god, breathing is so great.
*That Novak Djokovic OWNED the Australian Open. Boom.
Ok, peanuts. You’re wonderful and amazing and so so so perfect. Remember that.