I hung out with her the other night. It was awesome. And awkward. I’m so awkward.
And she’s awkward. But a super sexy kind of awkward…like…cute glasses and super smart and super artsy…plus cute-laughing-to-herself in a kind of adorable way.
(who am I and WHY am I being so…cutesy. MAJOR jackoff motion. and gag)
My issue with people that I’m kind of into is that the second I realize I like them, my coolness (or what I think is coolness) just disappears. All of the sudden, I don’t know what to talk about and I feel the need apologize all of the time… And then I say really weird things and sometimes I’m too honest….. oh man. This is why I usually date my friends, they already know about my weirdness. Then comes the self-doubting [so what if she kissed me and said she liked me, how do I KNOW she likes me?!]. So I’m focusing on following my instincts and trying really hard to keep this heart of mine from snapping shut.
Sometimes the hardest part of having an open heart is keeping it open when you start to like someone.
BAH. Now I’m all nervous and wanna throw up. Questioning everything. Can’t make up my mind whether I want her to call or not. This is me in “like” with someone. Freaking. Mess. WTF. All of the sudden, I’m checking my phone all of the time, I’m telling everyone about her (what’s new?), I want to fill ma’blog with everything I know about her because I think she’s super neat….if I’m eating delicious vegan mac and cheese, I think Oh hey, I wonder if adorbz girl likes delicious vegan mac and cheese… How did I turn so nuts? What is happening to me? Not to mention the fact that ma’heart is being stretched in soooo many directions and it’s scary and awesome and gives me SO MUCH anxiety. I really just want to hide on my couch, snuggle my Freshcat (my one true life partner) and not talk to anyone.
Someone put me out of my misery.