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Every time I sit down to write a post, I immediately get this anxiety feeling of “wtf am I going to write about?  I’m always writing the same old things. My posts are going to SUCK.” This post will not be different.  The anxiety is still there, and rejection just sucks.  And it fucking paralyzes, people.

This is no good, my little blogmeisters.  We must find a solution.  [Begin: LeeAnn Fabulous’ fear of rejection…a closer look]

Now, most of the time, I’m pretty stoked on my sexy ass.  But occasionally this fear of rejection just gets me.

EXAMPLES:

I.  (haay, rockin the roman numerals. boom) I’ve been applying for jobs like every day.  And everytime I submit my resume, I get that same self-doubting anxiety.  Oh man, I can already feel the rejection coming.

II.  I was dancin’ my sexy ass off on Friday night, super confident.  Like, eye-fucking the shit out of the room, when I caught an adorable nerdy girl’s eye and told her she was cute.  We start dancing together and immediately my big trap shuts up and all of the sudden I’m trying to think of things to talk about. in a loud club. while dancing.  what a tool.  So, fearing that the cute nerdy girl can sense my weirdness, I immediately feel the need to apologize for my internal awkwardness.  And then SHE apologizes for HER awkwardness.  And then I apologize again.  And when we were done dancing, my friends had to force me to give her my number and then I walked away from that awkward sitch as fast as I could.

..so much for being smooth.

oh man.  Why did I feel like I was going to vom and turn inside out at the same time?   Fear of rejection, my friends.  Fear. Of. Rejection.  (what if she ends up not liking me? what if she’s just drunk? what if she’s playing some mean joke by picking up the weirdest person she can find at First Friday!?)

Generally, I’d say that I’m kind of a pro at dealing with rejection.  Shit, I face rejection like 50 times a day and, sometimes, I get rejected and I have to ask for the same thing again.  And then call back again.  And call AGAIN.  (ahhhh, there’s nothing like multiple rejections for the same thing in one day.)  Not to mention just the normal instances of rejection that everyone gets every day.  Normally, I just don’t give a shit.  (Being queer kind of took that “people pleasing” aspect out of me; Not gay like happy, queer like FUCK YOU.)

Sometimes I just can’t shake this scared feeling.  (espesh when it comes to potential lovers)  So how do I fix it?  OBVS, my first reaction is to google that shit:

Heh.  Thanks, Yahoo Answers.

I feel like you never fully get over that fear.  But I sure as hell am going to try.  I’m going straight up 300 on this shit (loooove that movie).   I’m going to (try to) take on everything I’m scared of, I’ll be like a Spartan…I’ll have my shield, and my 300 men…and I’m going to make every call that I have to at work tomorrow with NO FEAR.  I’m going to submit every application CONFIDENTLY.  And, dammit, I’m going to try to actually talk about something awesome when I see that adorable girl again.  (I just saw her tonight…and I was awkward…but that’s for another post…)

Until then, lovely little blog drops…

xx

LeeAnn

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