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Ello Gov’nah.

haaaaay.  It’s Monday.  And, holy shit, have I been an emotional rollercoaster this week [last week?  for a week, now.].  (I’M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION)  Why? No idea why. YOUR FACE is why.  (I’m sorry, I’m sure your face is lovely.) 


SRSLY.  I’m sure it has to do with seeing my family, having my heart set on fire by someone wonderful and developing like 2 more crushes. [le sigh. they’re like diseases or something]  What is up with my life?

One wonderful thing about keeping this heart of mine open is allowing myself to really love and enjoy things…even tiny things….and even people.  This morning, I thought we’re so lucky that our earth gets a sun AND a moon.  How perfect.  [can I get anymore sunshine and rainbows than that!? keep in mind that it was like 5 AM and I was TIRED]

haaay random sunrise pic to distract you while I change the subject!
 Did you know that you can google “how to keep my heart open”?  Sometimes, when I have a problem, my last-ditch effort is to use the google.  I got some lyrics, a meditation blog…some more lyrics…good stuff.

look at this gorgeous city ❤

I’ve realized that, in opening my heart and allowing myself to love as hard/as much as possible, I don’t like to talk about my love-events until they’re over. 

I went to BLOWmaha to hang with my lovely cousin a few weeks ago and met her roommate. You remember, right?  The super sexy hacker roomie who I had a mutual attraction with?  As well as a pretty rockin’ connection.  It was my latest guy crush.  I keep thinking about it and I’m blown away that he liked me so much.  It’s a long story, but the gist of the sitch is that there was some dramz with sexy hacker, so (sorry you sexy sexy man, fam comes before sexiness) it had to be over with. It started with a mutual love of Star Wars (the guy had light sabers AND an R2D2).  It moved to talking video games and songs that I’ve loved (but haven’t heard) since I was in, like, middle school.  Then there was his hacking skills (really, his tech-smartz made him so hot). And really, just a mutual attraction.  But really, how I knew I was seriously attracted to him: he jumped on the bed (totally flirting) and put his arm kind of around me and I just naturally touched it [HIS ARM! his arm…you fucking pervs].

I’m telling you, there’s something to be said for movements, touches and words that just feel natural.   I feel like there’s nothing more beautiful than words or actions that aren’t muddied by over-thought.

The attraction: So let me break this down [mostly because I totally dissect these things and then over think them and…haaaay you’re a captive audience. suckas]  normally I’m into girls, but every once and a while, a guy will come along who I think is pretty freaking hot.  And not very often at all, a guy will come along who I would actually consider dating.  For some reason, I was just really attracted to him.  Not to mention he was really open about how much he liked me, which really doesn’t happen often.

What does this mean? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEEEAAAAN???  Well, it means that I’m still capable of liking people (I was starting to wonder), but really, I think that this asshole started a freaking chain reaction.  Now I can’t stop crushing on people. It’s just terrible.

ANYWAY… it’s getting to be a little too much for me…all of this crush, sexy hacker talk.  So, there you have it, a potential love in my open-hearted journey of…open-hearted-ness?…yes open-hearted-ness.