Yesterday, my heart was a mess. There was all kinds of movement in there…wtf. Thankfully, I pulled my emo ass out of the shitty depresh I was in and am actually able to function today…although I’m a gigantic dick. I spent a good portion of my lunch bitching about my higher ups. gag.
Right now, I’m sitting in one of my favorite restaurants just blogging my little heart out and everything is…ok. I’m happy. I still have a little weight on my heart but I am happy.
[and just then, my friend showed up and we had an amazingly real convo.]
We didn’t talk about everything happy. It wasn’t all work or serious stuff. It was a convo spanning all of the crappy/awesome emotions we’d been feeling lately. We talked about a world where we asked real questions…about dreams and art and what really matters. And family.
…sometimes you just need things to be real to open your heart. I try not to be obnoxious and talk about how lucky I am to have the friends that I have, but…I’m so freaking lucky. They’re each so amazing and wonderful. Le sigh. so. lucky.
Things need to change. I’m ready for a change. I’m opening my eyes, heart and arms. Focusing on keeping my heart open is keeping me open to so much. This week, I fell in love with my coworker, not only because he’s hilarious and has a sexy southern accent (hayyyoo), but because (although we’re technically in competition) he looks out for me and tries to make me laugh when I’m sad. I fell in love with yoga and stretching out ma’sexy, sexy bod. (BOOM) I fell in love with whales. I realized that I always have dreams of whales and (no idea why) now I love whales. …with a wonderful friend’s advice and seemingly innate ability to just..get me. And OBVS my family.
THIS is why I’m lucky. Change? After my awesome convo tonight, I’m starting it. Not only am I keeping my heart open (so hard! but soooo worth it!) I’m going to start asking those questions that matter (again). Like: What does your heart look like? or what makes you smile? If you could tell the world anything, what would it be?
…but I’m still going to be a dick. Because being douchily honest is liberating…and it’s funny.
Love you, little blogfriends of wonderfulness.
oh…PS…I’m watching Bridesmaids right now and I can’t stop laughing. If you haven’t seen it, GET ON THAT SHIT. You deserve it.