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I fucking love my cousin.  I’m chilling in Omaha with my beautiful cousin Jamie and I’m stoked.  Every time I visit Omaha for work, we hang out.  We rock some coffee, a Holiday Inn Express…it’s just wonderfulness.

So…I found out today that she has cancer.  It’s nbd (according to her) but, for me, well…I’m fucking scared.  She has surgery next week and, after that, will start chemo (as a precautionary measure).  She’s a tough bird and I have no doubt that she’ll get through it, but I worry about the kid. What. The. Fuck.  These kinds of things just blindside you…it’s impossible to be prepared for it.

The amazing thing about Jame is that, while we were talking about it, she says “Oh man, i’m totally going to fuck with people about this now.”  HA! The girl is hilarious. [and OBVS my cousin…]

Lemme tell you a little about Jamie’s heart.  It’s HUGE. She’s always been the cuddly, sweet cousin…who always wants everyone to be happy.  I know that when things happen to people, we always talk nice about them, but I guarantee you, this is not an “oh, Jamie is sick so I’m going to say that she’s the most amazing person in the world.”  I will not bullshit you, my little bloggies, I genuinely..100% love my cousin…she’s amazing. So I was hanging out with her and her friends last night (talking Starwars and video games, nbd) and I was watching her hang out and she was so happy.

My heart:  when things like this happen, my heart tends to snap shut.  There’s no questioning what I have to do – I do what’s needed of me…pretty much at any cost.  It’s kind of like…my heart has no say in it.  Last night, I needed to make sure that she had a good night. Tonight I’m in the middle of Iowa, hanging by myself, and it’s giving me time to think about it.  My heart hurts.  I’m the kind of person who worries about the worst and, right now, I can’t even think about the worst.  Strangely, my heart is outrageously open for new connections…healing for my lovely cousin…whatever I need to do.

oh man. I have a feeling I’ll be visiting Omaha a lot more from now on.