Sometimes when I fly I just watch the inside of the plane shake and I kind of hope it crashes. I give up all control and just feel the plane toss me back and forth in the sky. Take off is the best. It doesn’t seem like there’s much control over the plane, shifting side to side, quickly. Its like it’s my one chance to totally give up control to fate, to life….if I crash, it has nothing to do with me. People rarely give up control like that anymore.
I imagine Nicole (sis) talking to my Aus monster when he’s 7. “you remember Teti LeeAnn, she died in a plane crash.” I imagine that Austin gets all of my paintings, and Meridee. They’re my little amazing babies. They talk about me and the hilarious funeral I have….because I want my sisters to play outrageously raunchy songs and replace Christ’s name with mine in christian rock songs. And there will be a big pic of me making a hilarious face.
[aaaaaaaand get ready for a totally random post…]
Yesterday my friend told me that she imagines me as a similar old lady as her grandma (the amazingly inspirational lady that I mentioned in my previous post). I don’t think she understands how that feels. I’m so honored that her grandmother remembers me. She was so amazing and so inspirational. I wish I would have written her more letters. That’s one regret…not letting that wonderful lady know how great she was.
Ahhhh….soulmate. I don’t know who the hell it is. All I know is that it’s got to be someone who’s willing to put up with me as I am…. to be honest, I don’t know if there’s anyone like that out there. I’m a little crazy (although, I prefer the words free and completely obligated to just be me) and a liiiiiittle hard for people to swallow sometimes…because I can’t do anything but be me. Obnoxious me. A gift and a curse…
Family. My sisters are my family. We have this…connection. If I need anyone in this world, it’s them. It’s so funny that I never realized…not until Nicole moved away. I think it was after Lauren ran away that my mom said “Lauren feels like she lost her sisters” and then I really thought about what it would be like without my sisters. I love them. I’m so glad I have them. If there’s any place that I belong in the world, it’s with them. Hands down, my sisters above everything. Everything.
…is it too much to post 3 times in one day?
Well, I don’t actually care much, do I?
Stay amazing, little blogites.