Weird night. A friend was having a really terrible day so I went over to hang out with her and help her not feel so alone. The second she called me, though, I had this overwhelming feeling that I wasn’t as good of a friend to her as I should be. I thought: how did I get that way? How did I stop being such a good friend to her? I got selfish. I stopped caring about a lot of things. So I went over, vowing to myself that I’d start to be a better friend, had a glass of wine…popped one of my antibiotics (I am no longer zombieface, btw. All better apart from the same stomach shiz, which will come into play soon..) We played a game, talked a little bit and laughed a lot more than you’d think we would have…and then I puked. Oh man. VOM. And then I barfed one more time right before I left (hello, never drinking while on antibiotics AGAIN. holy shit.) And, as weird as it sounds, I feel…liberated. I don’t think it’s necessarily the puking. I know it’s not the wine (I only had like a glass and a half, all of which is making it’s way through the Denver sewage system in the form of VOM) I feel like I’m ready for truth. And you beautiful little bloggies get to experience it. Here we go:
- I value honesty..and authenticity. And I know it’s rare. But I value the shit out of it.
- I am not always honest. I should be more honest…with those I love, with myself..with the world.
- Envy is the ugliest emotion I’ve seen on myself and the root of most of my problems with other people. I’ve got to realize that my only race is with myself.
- The second ugliest thing in my life is the need to live up to others’ expectations. Whether physically, emotionally, mentally….in my career…clothes…sexuality…whatever. Fuck that. I’m beautiful and, frankly, I don’t have time or the mental energy to care anymore. I’m me.
Weird post. But totes true.