, , , , ,

So, I’m sick.  Fuck me. It’s total balls.  And, also, I can’t sleep….probably because i was eating superfoods all day and didn’t do anything to burn the energy off. ugh.   My heart? Well, frankly, I’m afraid to open it up because what if this douche bag virus (or whatever) gets in there…yeah…then I’m really fucked.   But seriously.  What is it about being sick that makes me want to be in love?  Me, wrapped in blankets, 101 degree fever (told ya I was hot), all tired looking, hair all over the place, just laying around in my hideous glory – do you really think I want to subject anyone to this?!  Plus, I heard that chewing raw garlic helps get rid of sickness faster so…add some garlic breath in there.  AND, because my lymph node is swollen (fucking golf ball in my throat) my gag reflex is out of control. Seriously. Every time I try to swallow some medicine, I’m gagging all over the place. …HA! What a pretty picture I’ve painted for you.  Eat your heart out, potential lovers.  This is what ya get!

But really, I just want to bask in my sickness alone…except for Freshcat, she’s always invited OBVS.  So WHY, while watching movies today, was I all heart-melty for the love scenes? And I wasn’t even watching love movies. I mean, COME ON, I got all mushy during The Departed when Leonardo and the therapist lady get it on….COME ON…although Mark Wahlberg’s hilarious “go fuck yah’self”‘s were SO FUNNY. Who knows. Maybe I’m getting back to that point when I don’t just care about the fun feel-good things.  Ugh.  This being sick is making me all…nostalgic touchy feely bleh.

Anyway…It’s weird how being vulnerable can make you want to engage in other situations in which you’re also vulnerable.  Like, maybe being brave and telling people how I really feel isn’t such a scary idea?  That’s another part of keeping my heart open that I’d forgotten about:

Don’t be afraid to tell people they’re wonderful, or that you think they’re great.  No one’s going to be a dick to you when you’re telling them you think they rock. And if they do, tell ’em to fuck themselves….Mark Wahlberg style.

Ahhhhhh what a great lesson. And it only took sickness from hell to re-learn it.  I have tons more things to tell you beautiful little blogmonsters, but that’ll have to wait for another day. I’ve got a sore throat and some soft wonderful pillows that are callin’ my name.