I don’t really know how I feel about soulmates. It’s not that I’m jaded (well…maybe I am..) it just doesn’t make sense…ONE soulmate for each person? It’s a cute thought…but…really? I do, however, believe that we’re meant to meet certain people in our lives. I know I was meant to meet my bf, Shelltown. And the coolest person ever…definitely meant to meet him. And every person I’ve had a relationship with has helped mold me into who I am today and, well, (I don’t wanna toot my own horn here…but…) I’m a pretty rockin person…anyway… as of late, I’ve been getting weird tarot readings. All of them say that I’ll be meeting my soulmate soon (or have met said soulmate and don’t realize it.) W…T…..F…..
Well, once I get over the initial “omg. this is going to be so awkward” slash commitment-phobe feelings, I think: well….that might be nice. Alright. Enough of that. I’ll let you know if it happens. Until then, I’m keeping open and giving everything a chance.
It looks like mah’heart isn’t something that just stays open all the time. (why? fuck if I know..) Change is a’comin and I’m getting to the point where I’m trying to shut off, move on. But I don’t wanna. I want to stay open and soak in the beauty of my friends telling me that I’m important to them. Last weekend, I looked at that big full bellied moon and thought: how do I not just stare at this thing all the time? Even better, I was riding bikes with some amazing people at like…10 PM.
I’ve been struggling with the direction I’m moving. I’m totally different than I was a year ago, I’m focused on the small things; I’m defining myself by where I live or who I’m attracted to…where I work. Right now, I’m working on remembering that the only person I’m in a race with is myself. It’s time to SLLLLLOOOOOOOOOWWW DOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWNNNNNNN.
I used to be so good at remembering that it’s not where you work or live or whatever…it’s the connections we make, the gratitude we show….the small things. I was a total Debbie Downer last week…had like 2 break downs and thank god Shelltown was just a phone call away because I cried to her like 3 nights in a row. Then I hung out with my family for the first time in a while. (the ‘rents don’t really agree with….well….any of my opinions, really) We made fun of my dad for having 10 million things clipped to his belt, I got yelled at for having too much credit card debt and I got some quality sister time. AND I got to stare at the gorgeous country sky over my parents’ house. I was a different person after going home for 2 days. I guess that’s just what tons’o’stars do to you.
My point? You’ve gotta trust the struggle. When it gets to be too much, you’ll get your break….maybe in the form of amazing people in your life….or maybe as a hilarious movie.
Love: The wonderful things that are sent my way when I’m struggling. These things fill my heart up sooooooo much, it’s like exploding today.
Ok my little darlings. I’m heading off for the night. Maybe for some Freshcat cuddling, maybe for some art museuming…who knows 😀 Stay open, lovelies and pay attention to the small things.