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It seems like every time I swear that I’m going to open my heart, this thing snaps shut like a steel trap and I become a straight up dick.

Example:  Day before yesterday:  had an epiphany and started the blog.  I vowed to stay open and told everyone that would listen that it was my new “thing” (that’s really just how I do).  I was happy, open, even talking about relationships.  (WHAAAAAA?….yeah, I know)  Even more, I swore to not immediately disregard someone as a potential relationship candidate because of one little thing about them. ie: they talk in a baby voice, hate Ginsberg or, you know, they have a lack of vag (in other words: a cock).  (Open heart means open heart, people.)

Yesterday:  ASSHOLE CITY.  I was a total Debbie Downer (sooo uncharacteristic of me).  I hated every minute of being at work (not so different from normal). This little ticker of mine was under lockdown.  NO ONE was getting in.  Every time something tried to go near it, it was a straight-up bat-wielding “OFF MY PORCH, FUCKERS!” situation.  WTF. 

...and so i will.

Luckily, last night, it poured so hard that it couldn’t help but wash my downer attitude away.  I went to bed feeling so lucky that this dry-ass city got some moisture.  And that I got to witness the gorgeous downpour/floods.

Love number 1:  The out of control rain/thunderstorms that Denver is having lately.  SO BEAUTIFUL.  

Today, I’m rocking the abundance angle. It’s an idea that I learned through reading A New Earth and tarot cards.  Live in abundance.  It means to live like you’ve already got everything you need, to be generous, to live without fear of losing. You get what you give.  I’m BACK!  I’m all ready to let some love in (and out) of this wide-open chest of mine. 

I’ve been witholding lots’o’shiz from this universe lately.  Gratitude.  Generosity.  LOVE.  Here I go, peeps.  First step: work.  How can I survive at a corporate, suffocating, not-too-bad-but-really-BLEH-job until I figure out my next move?  Let’s try abundance and keeping an open heart, friends.  Let’s try it.

The rules.